Dog of the Smashers
by tootsiepopgurl
Summary: working on title. im not really good at summeries but if u kno full metal alchemist then this story is for you i only added my own character. a little summary: will maria and mustang get togeter or not? completeneeds to be redone
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I only own Maria. Yes I had a story with Maria in it but those damn shitheads at fan fiction deleted it. But this time it's a SSBM crossover with FMA! I am so evil. Link: no your not. Me: shut up!

Maria Lopez was thrown back into a wall. "Damn you Colonel," she said. She was in a training session with Colonel Mustang. "Now Lt. Lopez. That's no way to talk to your superior," Mustang replied. Maria took out her gun and shot at Mustang. Mustang rolled out of the way and shot a fireball at Maria. It caught Maria's sleeve on fire. Her eyes grew wide and tried to put it out. She put on a glove and a little ball of water flew out. It was a minor burn. But it still hurt really badly. Maria looked at Mustang and shot a water ball at Mustang. It drenched him a lot. "Ha ha ha ha! What now Colonel?" Maria yelled. "Its time to quit," Mustang replied. Maria crossed her arms and stuck out her tongue at Mustang's back. Mustang smiled and walked out. Maria left too and headed for her room. As she walked to her room, gloved hands covered her eyes. "Who am I?" asked the owner of the hands. "Edward Elric," Maria replied. "Awww man, Maria. Your no fun," said Ed. Maria laughed. "You know Ed. For a fifteen-year-old guy you're not bad. All the fifteen guys I knew were ass-holes." Ed laughed and said, "Yea well if I were your age I would definitely ask you out." Maria looked at Ed and said, "Your like a brother to me Ed. I don't think so." Maria walked into her room when Riza appeared and said, "Colonel Mustang wants you and Ed, Maria." "Oh God," Ed said, "What does Colonel Shitface want?" Maria snorted and they walked to Mustangs office.

"So let me get this straight," said Ed as they rode in a car, "Were gonna go to some weirdo place, register as fighters and spy on the fighters?" Maria sighed and said, "Yes Ed. That's what Roy said. Still I don't know why we were sent to do this." Ed looked at Maria and raised on of his eyebrows. " 'Roy'? You never call Mustang that?" Maria blushed and turned to the window. "Its nothing that concerns you Ed." Ed shrugged and thought, "Something is definitely up between her and Mustang." The car stopped in front of a big house. "It's a mansion. These guys are fighters and they get a mansion? And what do we get? A lousy Military Headquarters," Ed complained. "Well for as long as this damn mission takes were gonna be staying here Full Metal," Maria replied. Ed smiled and they walked inside. "I wonder where we register at?" Ed asked. Maria shrugged and said, "No clue." She took out a piece of paper and unfolded it. "Wrong one," she muttered. She took out another one and unfolded it. "We want to find Master Hand's office," she told Ed. Ed nodded and they started to walk to every door they can find. "Nope. Nope. Nope. Hey! Look at this door! This door looks boss-like," Maria said. Maria knocked and a voice from within said, "Come in." Maria and Ed walked in and sat down in the two chairs. Master Hand floated down. "Well, would you look at that," Maria said matter-of-factly, "He's actually a floating hand. Wow." Ed looked at Maria and shook his head. Sometimes Maria could be really random. "So what are your names and what are you doing here," said Master Hand. "I am Lieutenant Maria Lopez and this is Edward Elric. We'd like to become….um fighters?" Maria said doubtfully. "The right term is 'Smashers' and where are you two from?" Master Hand replied. "Central City," Maria replied. "And you Mr. Elric?" Master Hand said. "Rezembool," Ed replied. "Haven't heard of either of them," Master Hand replied. "Didn't 'spect you to," Maria replied. "What are your ages?" Master Hand asked. "I'm eight-teen and Ed is fifteen." Master Hand "looked" at the two alchemists before him and said, "Alright how about this you two fight in a match together against Bowser and Ganondorf. If you two win your in." They shrugged and walked down stairs to wait for their competitors.

Meanwhile… "Do you think Ganondorf and Bowser will win?" said a blonde-headed elf, "I mean we never heard of these two people and they show up outta no where? I'm just saying-" "Link," said Marth, "You worry way to much." "We'll kick their asses!" said Bowser. "I know! And I hear one of them is a girl!" Ganondorf replied as they walked in the arena where they would be teleported to the stages. "Is that a problem?" said a womanly voice. Everybody looked and saw a young woman with dark brown hair tied up in a bun and a blonde-headed teen with his hair tied back in a braid. "Aw!" said Ganondorf, "Look at the tiny boy." Maria gasped and said, "Your in for it!" Ed became all rigid and started to yell. "WHO YOU CALLING SHORT!" Maria put her hand over Ed's mouth and tried to restrain him. "ED! THIS IS NOT THE TIME! I KNOW YOU HAVE HEIGHT PROBLEMS! BUT PLEASE!" Maria yelled. Ed calmed down and said, "Your right. Can we please get this over with?" "Fine by me," Ganondorf and Bowser both said. They walked into the teleporters and were transported to The Great Bay. "Perfect!" Maria exclaimed. "This battle is 5 minutes. No Items," said Master Hands voice. Ed scoffed and said, "Items? Lieutenant do we need any stinking items?" "Nope," said Maria, her blue military uniform glowing in the sun, "We don't need any items at all." Master Hand yelled, "Start!" and the fight was on! Ganondorf shot a punch at Maria. She flipped backwards and out of the way. "Man Ganondork you really need to do better than that," she taunted. Bowser was about to punch Ed when Ed punched him first and Bowser was sent flyin'. "Whoa," said Roy (not mustang), "How did he do that?" Everybody else shrugged. Maria was having problems with Ganondorf. Ed ran over and kicked Ganondorf's feet right out from under him. Then Ed punched him too. He was also sent flyin'. "Maria please finish this up," Ed said. "Will do Ed." Maria reached into her pocket and pulled out two white gloves. Transmutation circles drawn on them both. With a snap of the fingers a huge wave came and Bowser and Ganondorf were washed off the stage. "The winners are Edward Elric and Lieutenant Lopez," came Master Hand's voice. They were transported back to the teleportation room. All the smashers came down from the stands. They stared at Ed and Maria in disbelief. "How did you summon that huge wave," asked Link. Maria looked at Link and said, "That's for me to know and for you to find out." She walked out with Ed following her. "Ok," said Marth, "Their very mysterious. Well the woman is anyway. I don't know about the boy. What were their names, Edward and Lieutenant Lopez?" Link and Roy nodded. "She is definitely hiding something." Link said.

Me: well that's it for chappie numero uno

Ed: I didn't kno u were Spanish

Link: -bangs head on table- of course she's Spanish! That's what Maria's nationality is!

Ed: oh ok.

Me: anywayz…hope you all liked it and adios amigos!


	2. flashbacks

Disclaimer: I only own MY Maria. But if I owned Mustang……..

Link: Just right butt-munch

Me: humph! I hate you!

After the match…Maria was sitting up on her bed staring at a picture she had taken with her. Her hair was down and she wasn't in her military uniform anymore. She was in a tube top and a short skirt. She continued to stare at her picture. Ed was down stairs. Probably eating and getting to know everyone. Maria looked out the window and opened it. She stared at the picture again and smiled. She remembered when it was taken.

**Flashback**

_A sixteen-year-old Maria was walking down from the state alchemist exam room. All of a sudden a picture was shoved into her face. "Isn't she cute?" asked the man. Maria looked at the picture and her heart melted. "Aaawww! She is so adorable," she said. "Your not flashing that picture again are you Hughes?" said a voice. Maria turned around and her mouth fell open. It was Roy Mustang. "Oh my GOD! HE IS SO HOT!" she thought. He looked at Maria and smiled. "Your Maria right?" he asked. She nodded and smiled. "I am Colonel Roy Mustang. I just wanted to let you know that you passed all the exams and you're now a dog of the military," he said. Maria smiled and hugged Mustang. "Thank you so much. I won't let you down Colonel," she said now saluting him. Hughes smiled and said, "I think this is a great time for a picture!" A camera magically appeared. He looked around and said to an innocent civilian, "Will you take a picture of me, the colonel, and the new state alchemist?" The civilian looked at Hughes and nodded. Well Maria hated getting her picture taken. Hughes ran over and put his arms around Maria and Mustang. The civilian looked at the three people and said, "Hey how 'bout Colonel Mustang and Major Hughes pick up the state alchemist and we'll take the picture that way." The two shrugged but Maria frowned. Hughes picked up Maria's legs and Mustang picked up her upper half. "Now say cheese!" "Cheese!" Maria and Hughes said. Mustang just smiled. Hughes let go of Maria's legs and she would have fallen if Mustang weren't still holding onto her. "Sorry 'bout that, Colonel. I really don't like to get my picture taken. But I couldn't say no," Maria said. Mustang smiled and said, "Its all right. Here. This is your State Alchemist watch. Keep it with you. You will report to the military headquarters tomorrow morning. I hope that we will get to work with each other and get to know each other," Mustang replied. Maria smiled and blushed darkly. Mustang and Hughes walked away. Leaving Maria to stare at their backs._

**End flashback**

Maria smiled and looked at the picture again. There was something between her and Mustang then and it was there now. Maria knew this, but none of the other military members did. They kinda kept it secret. Ok, no one knew of their relationship outside the military. Well if you would call it relationship. Mustang insisted they were just friends. But well… would you call a relationship with a woman "just friends" if you did "it"? I don't think so. Maria started to pick at the covers when Ed appeared at the door. "What are you doing?" Maria looked up and smiled. "Thinking," she replied. "About what?" Ed asked. "Things that boys your age don't need to hear about," she replied. "Oh, Maria…Have you ever gotten drunk?" Maria laughed and said, "Ed, the first time I got drunk I was thirteen. I have gotten drunk loads of times." Ed laughed and sat down on a chair and said, "Have you ever smoked?" Maria sighed and said, "Biggest mistake of my life but yes I have. I smoked marijuana." "You don't seem like the type," Ed said. "I was pushed." "Oh," Ed smiled, this was it, "Maria?" "Hmmm?" "Are you a virgin?" Maria looked at Ed and said, "I am not gonna tell you that, Full Metal!" "So you're saying you're a virgin?" "OF COURSE I'M NOT A VIRGIN! WHAT DO YOU THINK ED! I AM EIGHTEEN! NOT FIFTEEN!" Ed laughed and said, "Who was the lucky guy?" Maria blushed. "That's none of your business." She laid down in the bed and turned away from Ed. She was still clutching the picture. She knew that Mustang would always be close to her heart. But without our heroes' knowledge, three figures followed our heroes to the mansion. Who are they and what do they want?

Me: DONE!

Ed: That sucked.

Link: You suck, Ed.

Me: -gasp- HOW DARE YOU!

Mustang: You're all weird.

Link: Where did HE come from?

Me: -shrugs- no clue but I know that Mustang is sexy beyond anything! Well anyway adios amigos, au revior, avideshay. Yea….well until next time!


	3. hesitation

Disclaimer: I only own Maria. Eh I hate these stupid things….

Maria laid in her bed and turned over. Her eyes looked at the sleeping form of Ed and sighed. She remembered what it was like to be fifteen. She wondered who had it harder, her or Ed? She turned over to stare up at the ceiling. She sighed again a fell asleep.

That morning…. Maria woke up and looked at her clock. It was eleven! She gasped and quickly put on her military uniform and her hair in a bun. A true military woman always put her hair up in a bun. Right? Right. She turned to go out of the room when Roy stopped in front of her door. "Hola," she said and walked down the stairs with him staring and blushing at her back. She walked into the kitchen and looked around and saw Ed. He looked tired and grumpy. She sighed. "Edward, Edward," she said, "You need to stop reading late at night. Its not good for a growing mind like you." "Yea well…" he thought for a moment and came up with an awesome comeback, "You need to stop talking in your sleep. I heard you last night." Maria blushed and punched Ed on his head (HEY IT RYMED!). "Ouch! What was that for?" "You perfectly know well why." They stared at each other. Maria's brown eyes stared evilly into Ed's golden-brown eyes. If looks could kill well, it would be the Ishbaul Massacre all over again. Link, Marth, Roy, and Young Link walked into the kitchen. They stared at the two alchemists. "It's a good thing you're my lieutenant and not some regular state alchemist," Ed said. "You should be happy that I think you as a brother," Maria replied. "Mrs. Mustang," muttered Ed. Maria blushed and walked over to the fridge. She could be heard muttering how she was going to report Ed to Mustang for not being nice to her. She got out a cereal box and got herself some cereal. Maria sat down and stared at the cereal for a minute. She sighed and started to eat it. "You look really tired," said Y. Link, "Were you up all night?" "Yea," said Ed, "I was reading a book about Equivalent Exchange." "What?" Roy asked. "Equivalent Exchange. It's basically where if you want something you have to give something in return," Maria said. The four swordsmen looked at Maria. She got up and threw her paper bowl away. "What? You never seen a science wiz who was a girl? Sheesh!" Then she walked out of the room. Ed was trying to stifle a laugh. "Oh yea," said Roy, "You have a match against Link today!" Maria waved to show that she acknowledged him. Roy blushed. Ed rolled his eyes.

In the teleportation room thingy…. Maria stood waiting for Link to show up. Ed sat down in the stands and said, "HEY LIEUTENANT! CATCH!" He threw Maria's gun to Maria and she caught it. "Thanks, Ed," she muttered. She pocketed the gun and saw Link show up. "Ready to get this over with," said Maria carelessly. She was getting pretty annoyed with Roy blushing every time she showed up. Link nodded. They heard Master Hand's voice: "This match will take place in Hyrule Temple. Time is five minutes. Stock is one. All items." Maria shrugged as she stepped into the teleporter thing. They were transported to the stage and Master Hand said, "GO!" Link unsheathed his sword and Maria put on her gloves. Link slashed at Maria. "Shit! Watch where you slash your frickin' sword," said Maria. "Oh will you shut up," Link replied, "Girls are such a pain!" This hit a nerve. Maria waved her right hand and a wall of water came down on Link. "HEY! How did you do that?" Maria rolled her eyes and waved her hand again. This time a wave came and knocked down Link. Maria ran over, stepped on Link's chest, and pulled out her gun. Then it hit. The worst memory that Maria always had came back to her. She stared at Link and a tear fell down her cheek. She looked up and yelled, "I forfeit!" They were teleported back and Maria left the room in a hurry. "Lieutenant," said Ed. He ran after her. "What happened back there? You reminded me a lot of Colonel Fuckface," he said. "Ed. Don't call him that. But I guess I'd better tell you." Ed sat down in a chair and Maria sat down too.

"You know about the Ishbaul Massacre right?" Ed nodded. "Well when the Alchemists were called in my father was one of them. My parents were already divorced and I didn't want to go back to my mom's. So during the Massacre my dad had to go somewhere. I really don't remember where. But he gave me a gun. He told me if any Ishbauleans were causing any trouble then to shoot them. Well I had cornered one and the look of fear on his face was so sad. But he was about to shoot me when I shot him. I stared at the fallen Ishbaulean. I wanted to kill myself. Then I don't remember anything after that. It becomes all blurry from there." Maria started to cry. She put her head in her arms on the table. "I never saw anything so horrible in my life. I was only twelve!" Ed put his auto-mail arm on her shoulder. She was just like Mustang in one way: she had scars from the Ishbaul Massacre.

Me: I feel like ending it there. But what do u think guys? –looks around- guys? Link? Ed?

Envy: haha I took them and now I am your flunky!

Me: um ok…you could have tried out to be my flunky.

Envy: I wanted to be the only flunky!

Me: Ok. But you have to promise to bring Link and Ed back. Or you wont be my favorite homunculus anymore.

Envy: I've never had a fan before!

Me: why do u think I uploaded your picture onto myspace?

Envy: hmm good point.. can I say the good byes?

Me: go ahead.

Envy: Adios! And if you want to check tootsiepopgirl's myspace look in her profile! Adios..again.


	4. poker and the homunculi

Disclaimer: I only own Maria. Eh I hate these things.

Envy: Poor you. And umm I have a confession…

Me: Yes?

Envy: Ed and Link were invited to a party and you weren't.

Me: WHAT! OH THEY ARE SOO GONNA DIE!

Envy: What are we gonna do?

Me: I'll tell ya!

Maria laid down on her bed her legs crossed. She had just finished crying. "Stupid Ishbaul Massacre. I wish it never happened," she thought. Ed came up the stairs and said, "Hey Maria, everyone is gonna play poker. Wanna join? You are the best poker player in the military." Maria laughed. "Alright," she said. She got up and went down stairs. She sat next to Ed and closed her eyes. Fox dealt the cards and Maria took up her hand and smiled. "Perfect," she muttered. Ed looked at her hand. "Why in Scar's name are you looking at my hand, Ed," Maria asked. "You're my partner, Lieutenant. I need your help," he replied. "You can play poker fine." "I know but I don't know if these guys play dirty. So please, lets be partners. Please?" Maria sighed. "Ok. Ok. I'll help you Ed. But only this once. Got it?" Ed smiled. "Aww thanks Lieutenant. Now will you help me get Colonel Sarcasm fired?" Maria looked at Ed and said, "Your pushing it, Fullmetal." Ed huffed and started to look at his cards. "Aw shit," he said, "Look at my hand. Lieutenant, what in the hell do I do?" Maria slightly looked at Ed's cards and said out of the corner of her mouth, "Fold this game. I'll win our money and their money too. Don't worry." Ed nodded, and said," I fold." Maria smiled and said quietly, "Good going." Ed smiled. An hour later…Maria looked at the money before her with a look of arrogance on her face. Ed was trying not to laugh. Maria was a good alchemist and a good poker player. Best combination ever. Even Mustang had a tough time beating her in poker. "You cheated!" said Y. Link. Maria looked at the little boy and said, "Well a little boy like yourself shouldn't be playing poker!" Ed was on the floor, rolling with laughter. Maria stared down at Ed. There was a smile tugging at her lips. "Yea well…you didn't have the guts to beat Link in the match today," Y. Link replied. Maria stared at the little boy. Ed stopped laughing. "Uh oh," he muttered. The young hylian hit a nerve. Tears formed in Maria's eyes. They started to fall down her cheeks. "You know it wasn't my fault that happened," she muttered quietly for only Ed to hear. She ran to her room and flopped down on her bed and started to cry. "Its not really fair to have a dad in the military," she thought, "I sometimes wish I never went to Ishbaul." She started to cry again. She finally fell into an uneasy sleep.

But lets see what's up in Central shall we? Central city, Mustang's office…Mustang looked at the top of his desk. He banged his fist down and thought, "I should never have sent her. She's too young." Was that his true feeling? Was it because he enjoyed her company or was it because he loved her? Mustang shook his head. "No, I don't love her. I only care about her. There is a difference right?" he thought. He got up and looked out his window. "What if I do love her? She's young. But she is pretty and smart and funny. I'll think about it later." He sat down on his desk and started to finish his paperwork.

Back at the mansion…. Maria woke up to find a figure looking through the drawer. "Who are you?" she asked. "Uh oh," said the figure. "Envy!" exclaimed Maria. "Stupid he-she!" She got up and put on her gloves. "EDWARD! WAKE UP!" Maria yelled. "Wha-?" "Homunculus. Its Envy." Ed got up and clapped his hands together. Spikes appeared but Envy got away. "DAMN THAT HE-SHE!" Maria grabbed her gun and ran outside to find the evil he-she. Ed sweat dropped. "How in the hell did Mustang fall in love with her?" he thought. "Envy! Come back here!" yelled Maria. Envy looked back at Maria and kept running. "Damn him," she thought. A long pale of fingernails appeared and scratched Maria on the back. She screamed in pain. "Lust," she muttered. Where there was Lust there would be Gluttony. And sure enough the cannibal showed up. "God damn it!" she yelled. Lust shot another attack and Maria was right in the path.

Me: -whispers- hope you all like this chappie. I have to go and crash a party now.

Envy: and I the evil homunculus Envy is gonna help her.

Me: Right.

-Both walk up to the security dude-

Security dude: Who are you?

Envy: This is Count Calliea von Zipperbottom. Also known as Count Velcro. We asked for trumpets. There are no trumpets. Your Grace if you may hit me.

Me: -hits Envy-

Envy: Thank you. See she is happy now.

Security officer: Umm you guys aren't on the list.

Envy: Not on the list? How would you explain to your superiors that the Great Count Velcro did not show up to this party? Fine we will leave your little luau, your barn party.

Envy& me: -walk away-

Security officer: Wait! I let you in. Would the Great Count like to hit me?

Envy: Your Grace, hit you? The arrogance of some people! I will hit you on behalf of the Count. –hits security dude-

-Walk inside-

Me: Well I will be going with Envy and find my little traitors and put them into the dungeon!

Envy: Can I kill fullmetal?

Me: uhh no. but anyway….hope you all enjoyed adios!


	5. a meeting with roy mustang

Disclaimer: I only own Maria. No body else.

Envy: so how are we gonna do this?

Me: Umm…how about a signal?

Envy: Good idea! Do you want subtle? Whispers gibberish or loud and noticeable? CAW-CAW!

People look at Envy

Me: Ummm…lets go with subtle. But lets get to this story!

Maria gasped as Lust's fingernails came at Maria. She had to think fast. She waved her hand and a wave came and knocked the homunculi away. Well for the time being. The sun was starting to rise. Maria got up and started to run away from the forest, heading back to the smasher mansion. She ran and saw somebody walk out the mansion's front door. She hid behind a tree and saw that the man had dark-jet black hair. "Mustang!" she thought. She ran out of the forest and yelled, "Mustang!" Mustang looked up and sighed with relief. "Maria! Uh I-mean- Lieutenant Lopez! What are you doing in the forest?" he said as he saluted her. Maria saluted back. Mustang looked down at the ground and gasped. "What happened?" "Me and Ed were attacked last night." "By who?" "Envy." "The homunculi? What happened?" "Envy was looking through my drawer when I woke up. He ran out the window and I followed him. I followed him into the forest when I was ambushed by Lust and Gluttony. Lust did this to me on my back. I summoned a wave and they were washed away. But I fear they will be back." Mustang looked at the cuts on her back and said, "C'mon. I am sure that Dr. Mario has some stuff for those cuts." "NO! I will not be interrogated! I refuse! I would rather die from…whatever you can catch from infected wounds." Mustang sighed. "So you'll die? But what about Ed? And your father," he asked her, "And what about me?" The last part he added very quietly. Maria blushed and said, "I am sorry. I didn't know that-" "Forget that I said anything Lieutenant. I'll see you around. I shouldn't have worried about you." He started to walk away when Maria said, "Wait! Colonel! I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! You can take me to the hospital wing, I'll just lie." Mustang smiled. "Alright then. I' knew you would give in." Maria stuck out her tongue and walked inside.

Ed walked downstairs and saw Mustang. "Oh no," he thought. "What do you want Mustang? Are you hear to gloat?" "No I am not Fullmetal. I was hear to see you and Lieutenant but since no one came to greet me I was about to leave when Lieutenant showed up. Now I am going to escort her to the hospital wing." Ed looked at Maria and said, "Why?" "Got ambushed by Lust. Figure the rest out." Ed nodded. Instantly understanding. "Do you know where the hospital wing is Ed?" asked Mustang. Ed nodded and escorted the two "Lovebirds" to the hospital wing. They walked inside and Maria and Mustang sat down on the bed next to each other. A/N: Aaaawww! Anyhooo…. Dr. Mario walked in and said, "Lieutenant Lopez I didn't know you had a match today. And who is he?" "He is my superior officer. He was checking on me and Edward." Mustang and Dr. Mario shook hands. "Well what's wrong? Are you pregnant?" Maria and Mustang blushed. "No! I have a couple of cuts on my back. Can you bandage me up?" Dr. Mario nodded. Maria took off her tank and Mustang and Ed gasped. They were pretty deep. "What happened?" Dr. Mario asked. "I am not telling you," Maria replied. "You know Doctors are supposed to keep their patients secrets. You Lieutenant are no exception." Maria looked at Mustang and Ed and they nodded. "I think it's best if you explain," said Maria to Mustang. He nodded. "My name is Colonel Roy Mustang. I am also known as the Flame Alchemist. That is Lieutenant Maria Lopez. She is also known as the Ocean Alchemist. And Ed is also called the Fullmetal alchemist. We are state alchemists and therefore protect our country in times of war." "Were also called dogs of the military or dogs of the state," Maria added. "So you know alchemy. So what? What's the harm?" Dr. Mario asked. "Um me and Ed were supposed to go undercover." "Oh. Well I am done with your bandages. And don't worry Maria and Ed, your secret is safe with me." Maria and Ed nodded. And the three state alchemists walked out.

Front hall…Mustang and Maria said bye to Ed who was going to go and get something to eat. "I'd better go. The headquarters is probably a mess without me," Mustang said. Maria nodded. "I'll walk you out."

The kitchen…Ed walked in. "I swear if Mustang becomes Fuhrer I am gonna kill myself!" he muttered. He sat down roughly and ate his breakfast. "Are you ok?" Roy asked. "Ugh," Ed replied. The door opened and there walked in Maria. She was looking as happy and giddy as Ed has ever seen her. "Oh great," he muttered, "What did they do?" "Hi Ed! How was your day so far? Mine has been GREAT!" Ed sweat dropped. "Are you Lieutenant Lopez, or are you Armstrong trapped in Lopez's body?" "Of course not silly. But I can act like him if you want!" "NO!" Maria laughed and said in a whisper, "Isn't Roy just plain down hot and sexy?" Roy blushed. "Eww! NO! NO! NO!" Maria looked at Ed and said, "Are you implying that your gay?" "NO! Just never ask me if he's sexy ever again!" Maria laughed. "Ok, Fullmetal boy," she muttered. Ed looked at a picture in her back pocket and pulled it out. He opened it up and said, "Your as bad as Hughes. Why in the hell are you carrying around a picture of Elysia even though she's not your daughter?" "Isn't she so sweet? I just love that sweet little girl! I wish I had a daughter just like her!" Ed sighed, got up, and whispered into Maria's ears, "Then you and Mustang better get busy then. Or are you already pregnant with his baby?" Maria blushed darkly and punched Ed across the dining room. "Say that one more time, Ed and I SWEAR I WILL MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING HELL!" Flames formed in Maria's eyes and Ed fell to his knees. "Yes ma'am I will never say that M-" Maria punched Ed again and walked away saying, "I am gonna go and get dressed."

Me: Hoped you all like it! Sorry for no action, but I didn't feel like writing any more.

Envy: This is no party. It's an audition!

Me: For what?

Envy: American Idol? What the hell is that?

Me: O MY GOD! I WONDER IF CONSTANTINE IS HERE!

Envy: Who is that?

Me: The sexiest rocker alive! I wonder if. AH HA! I found Ed and Link. I am soo gonna fuck them up!

Envy: I wonder if we can try out? That would be fun! Ya wanna go and try?

Me: And get yelled at by Simon Cowell because I can't sing? Sure! Why not? Well ADIOS!


	6. the seaven deadly sins

Disclaimer: I only own Maria. Me: -sigh- lets get this thing started back up. Oh yea I found out like a couple of days ago that when a state alchemist is chosen their rank is automatically Major so its not Lieutenant its Major now I just don't feel like going back and changing it.

Maria put on her uniform. She was still fuming about Ed's pregnant accusations. He really hated Mustang sometimes but Maria had to admit they were kind of alike in many ways. She sighed as she put her hair up in its usual bun. She walked downstairs and sat on the couch. She laid back and was about to fall asleep when Ed came and kicked her legs. She opened one eye and said,"Yes?" Ed sighed and said, "I have a match today against Roy. I need your support." "Why?" "Cause he uses fire just like your boyfriend." Maria sighed and got up. "Fine. But you really owe me for this one." Ed smiled. "I just hope he doesn't take a couple of jabs at my right (?) arm and left (?) leg." Maria nodded. "Then were in trouble if they find out about your little secret." Ed nodded and they walked to the teleportation room.

Teleportation room thingy…….Maria sat on the bleachers. Her hands were behind her head. This was going to be very entertaining. She loved Ed as a brother but it was going to be funny to watch him run away from fire like he did when he challenged Mustang to that fight. She started to laugh silently. She looked at Ed. He looked miserable. His face clearly read, "Help me." Maria was laughing harder now. Marth and Link sat down next to the laughing alchemist. "What's so funny?" Link asked. Maria was wiping the tears away now. "Nothing. Just thought about something really funny, that's all." Marth and Link looked at each other. "I bet Roy will win," Marth said. "Yea same hear." "I dunno. Ed is a smart kid. He is considered a genius after all." They looked at her. "Forget I said anything. Now let's watch the match." After the match…."AND THE WINNER IS...EDWARD ELRIC!" yelled Master Hand. Maria ran down and hugged Ed. "Oh Ed! Your were so AWESOME! I couldn't even have done that!" Roy stared at Ed. "He cheated he had to of cheated! There had to be a way," he muttered. "I dunno," said Link, "It seemed like a fair match to me." Marth nodded. "I think we should investigate these two," Roy said. Marth and Link sighed.

Up in Maria and Ed's dorm…Maria was in the shower and Ed was reading another book. Link, Marth, and Roy were standing outside on the room's porch. All three of them dressed in black to hide in the night. Maria came out of the bathroom with a tank top and short shorts on. Her bandages were visible. "I wonder what happened." Link asked. Marth shook his head but whispered, "I don't think Roy wanted to investigate. I think he wanted to take a look at her ass. Look at him." They looked at their friend and sighed. "I have to admit though," Link said, "She does have a nice ass." "Yea," Marth replied. He opened the door slightly. "I swear Maria," they heard Ed say; "You are as bad as Hughes. I am sure glad I am not your kid." They heard Maria laughed. "You know," they heard her say; "I do hope Envy shows his sorry ass again. I would love to call him he-she and maybe palm tree too." They saw Ed fall on the floor laughing. "Who would create a homunculus that looked like that?" they heard Ed say. Maria started to laugh, "I know! He is so gay looking!" "Yea and he always calls me the Fullmetal shrimp! But he is the homunculus he-she!" Maria fell on the floor laughing. "You know as much as I like Colonel Mustang, I just hope he never becomes Fuhrer!" Ed stopped laughing and asked, "Why?" "I do not wanna wear a short, tight, mini-skirt!" Ed smiled and said, "Then let's hope Fuhrer Bradley doesn't die anytime soon!" Maria laughed and said, "Yea. Have you always wondered why he wears that eye patch?" "I guess he lost his eye…" Ed replied, "Have you noticed that every time Roy looks at you he blushes?" Maria sighed and said, "Yea. He has nice hair, and nice eyes. But I really don't know the guy that well." Roy pouted. "You have a thing for Roy's don't you?" "Why do you say that?" "Forget I said that. Didn't you go out with Havoc once?" "Yea for like two weeks. Don't get me wrong an' all, Havoc is a great guy but he smokes way to much!" Ed smiled. "Well what do you think of Mustang?" Maria lightly blushed and said, "I will admit he is arrogant and can be bit of a perv, but besides that he's a great guy. Handsome, smart, and funny, all the traits I like in a guy." Ed sighed. "I knew it. You have to go and defend him." "What's that supposed to mean?" "I dunno. What about Armstrong? What do you think of him?" "One word," Maria replied, "Gay." Ed started to roll on the floor laughing. "Like his sparkles though." Ed started to laugh harder. "Let's go," Link said. They started to walk away when they heard Ed say, "But on a serious Maria. Why do you think the Homunculi showed up?" "I really can't say," they heard Maria reply, "Only that they want you to create another Philosopher's Stone again." The three swordsmen stooped. "Oh God I hope not! Well anyway I am gonna go and take a shower now. Be back in a few." Maria nodded and laid on her bed.

Outside…."What is the Philosopher's Stone?" Roy asked. The other two shrugged. "And a homunculus?" "That one I think I can answer," Link said, "It's like an evil human or something like that. Basically it's another word for sin." "Oh," said Marth, "Like the seven deadly sins?" Link nodded. "By the way," Roy asked, "What are the seven deadly sins?" "Lust, Gluttony, Envy, Pride, Sloth, Greed, and Wrath," said a female voice. The three turned around and saw Maria. They gasped. "You were eavesdropping on me and Ed weren't you?" she asked. "Uhhh…." said Roy. "Yes we were," said Marth, "Were terribly sorry." "Who gave you the right to do such a thing?" Maria asked. "Listen," Link said, " Roy was convinced that Ed cheated but when we got up here me and Marth found out that Roy just wanted to look at you ass." Maria stood there and waited for the Hylian to continue. "And I have to admit," he said, "You do have a nice ass." Maria started to laugh. "Well thank you Link. I am sure glad somebody had the guts to tell me that!" Link darkly blushed and said, "Well I wasn't chosen to be the Hero of Time for anything." "Indeed, Link. Well good-night. Go back to your rooms and stay there, I don't want to catch you all eavesdropping again." "But we weren't dropping no eaves," Roy said. The others did one of those anime faints and Marth said, "Eavesdropping means to spy on people, not to drop stuff!" "Oh." Maria sighed and turned around to go to her room when she said, "Oh yea, if you see that damn he-she, send him my way. He's overdue for a beating."

Me: I am gonna end it there. I and Envy are now in a jail cell because we weren't on the audition list. Can u believe that?

Envy: well we didn't sign up.

Me: that's true….

Envy: that Simon Cowell dude is an ass hole.

Me: I told you so….

Envy: I liked the Randy Jackson dude though.

Me: yea and Paula is great to. –sighs and starts to sing- _Nobody knows all the troubles I've seen! Nobody knows my sorrows…._

Envy: sing something happier please.

Me: -thinks and starts to sing again- _It's a small world after all-_

Envy: sing that and I will snapping kill you!

Me-thinks and again and starts to sing once again- _I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts line up in row, big ones, small ones –Envy joins in- some as big as your head._

Envy: whoo that was fun!

Me: I know right. Well since me and Envy are locked up in this fudging cell I might as well say adios and au revoir!


	7. a little flashback with colonel sexy

Disclaimer: I only own Maria and this is a chapter that just has sexy Mustang and flashbacks that I made up all on my own so I own that flashback.

Roy Mustang stood in front of the window in his office. His hands behind his back and he sighed. "Is anything wrong, sir?" said a female voice. He turned his head and said, "No. Hawkeye, go home and get some sleep. I need time to think." "Is it about Major Lopez?" "That's none of your concern this instant right now Hawkeye. Go home!" Hawkeye saluted and walked out. Mustang sat down behind his desk and sighed. Not a lot of people knew this but he had known Maria for a long time. Ever since the Ishbaul Massacre. Mustang closed his eyes. It seemed like yesterday that he just met Maria.

**Flashback:**

_Mustang ran down the streets of an Ishbaul town. There were screams and yells of terror and anguish everywhere. He saw a girl on the ground and an Ishbalan man was about to shoot her. Mustang put his gloves on and snapped his fingers. Flames appeared and burnt the man. Mustang ran over and got on his knees. He looked at the girl and put his hand on her shoulder. She turned her head and looked up. She gasped and said, "D-d-d-d-don't hurt me." "I won't. Who are you?" "M-M-Maria Lopez…" "Is your father Luis Lopez?" Maria nodded. "How old are you?" "Twelve. Now will you please help me…Mr. who ever-you-are?" "Its Mustang." "Right. Mr. Mustang will you please help me?" He smiled and said, "Get up." "Can't," Maria replied. "Why?" "I think I did something to my ankle." Mustang sighed and picked her up. She gasped. He started to take her to the state alchemist's hideout thing. He walked down stairs and Mustang gasped. "Wha-AAAHHHH!" Maria yelled. She gripped Mustang's neck. "Who did this?" Mustang asked. "Gran did it," said a man. Mustang stared at the bloodied bodies. "Why?" Maria asked. " Because they were helping Ishbalans," Gran said. He looked at Maria and said, "Who is she anyway Mustang?" "She's the Water Alchemists daughter." Tears formed in Maria's eyes. Mustang put Maria down and she limped to the bodies. She got down on her knees and saw a picture of their young daughter. She looked at it and she accidentally put her hand in the blood. She gasped. Her hand slipped and she fell into the blood completely. Mustang looked at her and walked over. Maria got up and smiled at Mustang._

**End Flashback…**

Mustang smiled at himself. "Maybe," he thought, "Just maybe I do love her. Just maybe."

Me: gotta end it here cant do kno funny stuff tonight.

Envy: why?

Me: because I am on a time crunch. Review and do all that good stuff….


	8. mustang the pervert

Disclaimer: I only own Maria. Sorry about the short ending last time…I was on a time crunch like I said. Envy: psssh. Yea right. Me: shut it palm-tree.

Maria and Ed sat on at the table in the kitchen and were talking about the process of Equivalent Exchange. "Yea, but Ed what did you and Alphonse get out of the human transmutation?" "Nothing," he replied. "Exactly. All you got was grief and pain." "But Equivalent Exchange is the law of the world!" "No its not Ed. All it is is the law of alchemy. Not the law of the world! There is no equivalency! You sacrificed your brother and your arm and leg to get what?" "A bunch of mush or whatever it was." "Exactly. Isn't the law to get something precious something else must be lost?" Ed nodded solemnly. "Well then there is no equivalency." Ed put his head on the table. "Maybe your right," he muttered. Roy, Link, and Marth walked in. Roy was very red in the face. "I can't do it," he said. "Oh yes you are," said Link. "Maria," Marth said, "Roy has something to ask you," Maria turned around. "Will you go out to dinner with me tonight," he asked. Ed started to laugh quietly. "Shut up," she said. "Um ok Roy. I guess I'll go out with you tonight. What time?" "Uhh seven?" Maria smiled and said, "Good for me."

That night…Maria put on a dress that she brought with her. "Uhh…those cuts that Lust gave you are still there…" "Yea, I know Fullmetal. And at this point I really don't care."

In the dining room…."Ok Roy," said Link, "Marth, Zelda, Samus, Peach, hopefully Ed, and I will hideout in the restaurant. If you need us say that you have to go to the bathroom." "But why do you want Ed to come?" "He knows Maria best dib shit," Zelda said. Link nodded. "And we'll leave like ten minutes before you all do." "I'll go and ask Ed if he'll come," Peach said. She walked up the stairs and knocked on the door. "Yes?" came Maria's voice. "Can I see Ed?" "Uh sure," came Ed's voice. He walked out into the hallway and Peach told him the plan.

The restaurant…Well lets just say Roy is a complete mess. Maria sighed. This tonight sucked really bad eggs. "I have to go to-to-to the bathroom!" he said and ran away. Maria raised an eyebrow and looked over at the table three tables down. A man with glasses was showing off a picture to a grumpy looking young man. "It can't be," she thought. Music started to play. Maria recognized the song as the song she first danced to with Mustang. Tears formed in her eyes. "Madame I see you don't have a partner for this dance," said a deep rich male voice, "and since I don't have one either would you dance with me?" Maria turned her head and smiled. There before her stood the man she was just thinking about. His charming smile dazzled her like it did that same night when she was sixteen. "Mustang," she said. "Its Roy tonight Maria. Were both off duty." Maria smiled and took his hand and he led her to the dance floor. Mustang put his arms around Maria's waist and Maria put her arms around his neck.

Smasher's table…."What do I say to her Link!" Roy said. Ed stared at Maria and Roy's table and saw no one was there. He looked and saw Maria and Mustang dancing. "Ed," Roy said, "What does Maria like in a guy?" "Good looks, good personality, good body, a good dancer," now he was being quite truthful and he still will be, "she doesn't like guys that are to nice. They have to be arrogant and sarcastic too." He was still being as truthful as he could get. "Oh yea," he added in, "She also likes it when a guy is kinda perverted." Roy and his friends stared at Ed. Ed shrugged and said quite loudly so Mustang could here, "Oh yes, Maria loves perverted guys. She especially loves it when a guy grabs her ass!" All of a sudden Ed's cloak caught on fire. He looked down at his cloak and started to freak out. "Who did that?" Zelda asked. Ed put his cloak out and stared at the sexy state alchemist with his arm tenderly around Maria's waist. "Say that one more time, Ed. I do not grab Maria's ass. I only did that once. And that was when she was seventeen." "You did? Man Mustang you are a pervert," Ed said. "Wanna know what I did to him?" Maria asked. Ed nodded. "I slapped him clean across the face and started to cuss him out." Ed rolled on the floor laughing. Roy glared at Mustang. "But I forgave him like the next day." Ed got up. "You're kidding?" Maria shook her head. Ed sighed and started to make a face when he saw Mustang kiss Maria. Roy's anger filled up inside him.

Me: I am gonna end it there. I still cant believe that were in jai Envy! Can you?

Envy: No. But are you really gonna be me for Halloween?

Me: yup! I have a thing for homunculi now.

Envy: Alright! Adios and farewell its time for me and tootsiepopgurl to go eat our gool!


	9. last battle

Disclaimer: I only own Maria. Envy: is it true? Is this your second to your last chapter? Me: yup! I think I have an idea that deals with you. Not sure though. Envy: YAY! So basically this is the climatic chapter? Me: SHUT UP YOU STUPID HOMUNCULUS! Envy: -hides in fear-

Maria sat on her bed and looked out the window. He kissed her. Colonel Roy Mustang kissed her! She smiled and laid on her bed. She sat up and stared out the window. She saw a palm-treeish figure move out in the forest. "Envy," she muttered. Ed walked in. "Ed," Maria said, "Were going out." "Why?" "Homunculi. That's why." She got her gloves and gun and walked out the door and outside with Ed close behind her. They walked into the forest. "So this is it? Are we gonna kill them tonight?" Ed asked. "Ed," Maria said, "You perfectly know well I don't know how to kill you a homunculus. And neither do you. Come to think of it you don't know how to kill anyone." Ed mocked a laugh and stopped. "So how do we lure them out?" "Um…I haven't figured that out yet. But I will!" She stopped and yelled, "HEY YOU STUPID HOMUNCULI COME OUT SO ED AND I CAN KICK YOUR ASSES!" Well they came out all right. Lust crossed her arms. "You don't know how to kill us. What makes you think you can fight us?" Maria laughed and Ed smiled. "You're forgetting something," Ed said, "We know alchemy. You all don't!" Envy sighed and said, "We'll manage!" Gluttony looked to Ed then to Maria. "You both look tasty! Can I eat them?" Maria gasped. "You nasty mother fucker! Cannibalism is wrong!" Ed looked at Maria and said, "Do you think that matters to them?" Maria tilted her to one side and said, "Eh, good point." Maria smiled and said, "Lets get this battle on!" And so the battle began.

In the Smasher Mansion…Link, Marth, Roy, Zelda, Peach, and Samus were playing poker. Roy was quite pissed off at Maria. They heard an explosion. "What in Din's fire was that?" Zelda asked. There was another one. "Come on," said Link, "We'd better go and check it out." They ran outside and into the woods. "Damn it!" they heard a voice yell. "Hey Maria, how 'bout you leave the flame stupid alchemist and come with me?" another voice yelled. "HA! Like I would come with you! You're a freaking palm tree!" "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?" "YOU HEARD ME!" Well Maria and Envy started to fight. Lust, Gluttony, and Ed just stood there. The six smashers arrived and they saw the wimpy fight between the alchemist and the homunculus. Ed sighed and clapped his hands together and sent Envy flying, and then he landed on his ass. Maria laughed. Lust sent out her fingernails and scratched Maria's back. "WHOA!" Zelda exclaimed, "How did she do that?" Maria yelled in pain as the fingernails hit the same place where the other cuts were. They still haven't healed all the way. She fell to her knees. "OOOH! HAHAHA!" laughed Envy, "SHE GOT YOU IN THE SAME SPOT LIKE LAST TIME!" Maria got up and whispered to Ed. "Take the six idiots and Lust and Gluttony to the edge of the forest. This is gonna get ugly." Ed nodded and said, "Lets take this to the edge of the forest. Major and palm tree need to 'talk'." "WHAT WAS THAT?" "I CALLED YOU PALM TREE!" "SHUT IT FULLMETAL PIPSQUEAK!" "WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME" "ED! I'll take care of Envy go and defeat Lust and Gluttony." Ed nodded and ran out of the forest with the other eight followed him.

The edge of the forest…Ed did his blade thingy and faced the two evil Sins. "Hey," Link said, "I'll help ya." Ed nodded. And the battle started. "Roy," Marth muttered, "I'm really worried about Maria. I think she's in real danger." Roy looked at Marth. "So?" "So? Who knows what these things can do." "Fine, lets go!" They ran into the forest.

The forest…well lets just say Maria was getting her ass kicked. Maria laid on the ground, heavily breathing. Her black tank top was ripped. "I hate you Envy. I HATE YOU! I WANT TO KILL YOU!" Envy smiled and said, "Fine. But first…" He changed into a person. He came out of the showers and it revealed he changed into Mustang. Maria gasped. "Can you kill me now?" She looked at Mustang. "I-I-I…No I can't Envy. Just kill me." Envy changed into Ed and then he transformed his arm into the blade. Maria closed her eyes. "I have one chance at this," she thought. She flipped backwards and ran toward the sea. She stopped at the cliff and smiled and saw Envy stop running. "Well Envy, it's been nice knowing you," Maria said. She waved her hand and big wave came and washed the homunculus away. But in doing so it also washed the beautiful Ocean Alchemist away as well. Maria was sinking to the bottom of the ocean when a strong hand came and lifted her and her rescuer swam to the surface. Her rescuer laid Maria on the beach and Maria turned over and coughed. She looked up and saw Envy. He was as wet as she was. "You…saved me? Why?" "Well if I didn't save you then nobody could call me palm tree anymore. Except Greed but don't worry about that. Major Maria Lopez I leave you for now." Envy ran and or jumped away. Maria stared back at him. "Good bye, Envy. And thank you," she thought. Marth and Roy ran down to the beach. "Maria," Marth said, "Are you ok?" "Yea I will be. Lets go and see how Ed and the others are doing."

On the edge of the forest…"Why did they leave?" Peach asked. "I don't know," Samus said. "Fullmetal! HEY FULLMETAL!" yelled a voice. Ed looked up and he out a glove on his hand. "MAJOR! YOU'RE ALIVE!" Ed ran over and hugged her! "THANK GOD!" he yelled. Maria laughed and said, "Ed…I need to get bandages on my cuts." Ed nodded.

Me: I can't believe it the next chapter is the last one.

Envy: yea and then you'll have a new idea right?

Me: AYE! HEY DO YOU WANNA HEAR THE BEST SONG IN THE WORLD?

Envy: well we are outta jail. So what the hell!

Me: B-A-N-A-N-AS! I aint no hollaback girl!

Envy: Shut the fuck up NOW! I hate that song. Well anyway…adios amigos!


	10. THE END!

Disclaimer: I only own Maria. Envy: this is the last chapter. NOOOO!

Maria sat on her hospital bed with Ed. A man with spiky hair and glasses walked in. "Major Lopez. Ed. Your job is done now. You're going home." Maria and Ed smiled and they both hugged the man. "OH HUGHES! I LUV YOU!" Hughes smiled and said, "Maria look at my beloved Elysia. Isn't she gorgeous?" Maria nodded enthusiastically. Ed and Maria followed Hughes out. Mustang was there and Maria ran into his arms. "I'm glad your hear," she whispered. "I am too." He muttered. And they kissed.

THE END!

Envy: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?

Me: yes?

Envy: WHAT KINDA OF FUCKING ENDING WAS THAT? IT WAS SOO STUPID!

Me: sorry my sexy sin. I don't feel like writing it anymore.

Envy: Oh….so will the next story deal with me?

Me: maybe…well I hope you all liked the story until next time…-waves goodbye-

-Link and Ed show up-

Envy: oh look who it is. Link and Ed. Calli? Are you ok?

Me: -boils up with anger- WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU BOTH! I FUCKIN SWEAR YOU TWO ARENT GOING ANYWHERE ANYMORE! AND IF YOU DO I WILL REPLACE YOU BOTH WITH TWO MORE HOMUNCULI! GOT IT!

-Link and Ed nod-

Envy: HAHAHA! Well like Calli said. See you next time. –Calli still can be seen chasing Ed and Link around.


End file.
